


Poison in my veins

by Tuii



Series: Polarity [2]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Caring, Established Relationship, Friendship, Hypomania, M/M, Mania, Meds, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Therapy, episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 08:00:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13383564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuii/pseuds/Tuii
Summary: You stay in this weird state where you are not totally yourself but you are also not having an episode anymore.





	Poison in my veins

Spiraling down from an episode is hard. No matter what kind of episode it is, manic or depressive. You stay in this weird state where you are not totally yourself but you are also not having an episode anymore.

  
He was now calming down from a pretty hefty hypomanic episode. It had lasted for quite a while since it had started so subtly, if you can say that about having an hypomanic episode. He hadn’t slept as well as usually but he wasn’t worried about that at first because sometimes it was like that. But it had continued and continued longer and longer and he kept sleeping less and less per night. At first he didn’t say anything to Isak because it felt like nothing, it was just a hiccup in his schedule. Isak was the one who fell asleep first and usually Even woke up earlier than him so hiding the sleep issue was easy. And he didn’t want to worry Isak.

Then he had noticed that he was getting a bit obsessed with his current film project. He did hours and hours and hours of research, searched the internet in and out for little details he wanted to get just perfect. He soon realised that it wasn’t healthy but he couldn’t let go. He had always been hard on himself and expected much from himself and this time was no exception. Since they didn’t have actual work space in their small apartment, everything in the bedroom on his side of the bed had started to be crowded with post its and piles of versions of the script, some of them had writing on them, a lot of corrections or more ideas. He tried to keep the stacks in some kind of order but soon lost the fight and things were absolutely everywhere. This was when Isak started to pay attention on his boyfriend’s mood. But much like himself, Isak just thought that he was just excited about the project and he was happy for his man. Things kept going like this for a while, now he can say that it continued like this for too long.

  
It was when he started being very vocal and very edgy at work when he first stopped to think that maybe everything wasn’t okay. He was very loud, not that he was quiet normally but now he was more loud and very vocal. He also started snapping at customers, without any reason. His boss told him to keep it cool and start paying attention to how he treats the customers but it didn’t help. Because this wasn’t something he could control, this was out of his hands. It was his brain and he couldn’t control his brain chemistry. He did have meds for that, meds that had worked just fine until now. He hated the idea of needing to change his meds, it was always a horrible experience and he did not want that. Which was one of the reasons why he let this episode go on too long. Yes, that was stupid, but one doesn’t always make realistic and good decisions. Actually he made a lot of bad decisions but usually they were not as bad as this one. Or the other ones he did while being manic. His friends noticed the mood swings and so did Isak who sat him down one evening after they had eaten dinner. Isak had a worried and a bit sad look in his eyes and he felt bad that this was something he had done for the man of his life. He had made him worried and sad when he should be thinking about russ buss things and what party to go to on friday.

  
They talked for hours, holding hands, cuddling and crying a bit as well. Both of them knew this was something that came with the illness, it was something that happened and something they needed to cope with. When they went to bed, he was the little spoon while Isak held him as the big spoon. He didn’t sleep as much as he should have but it made him feel safe to be held. He was loved and cared for. He was going to survive this like he had survived before and like he would survive in the future. With the help of Isak, his family, his doctor, his friends and his will to fight. The next morning he rang to his doctor and few days later he sat in her office talking about his episode. They had decided to make some changes to his meds. Just to add the dosage of his valproate which he took evenings and added benzodiazepines to his meds to help him sleep. His body needed now to sleep and recover.

It had been now two months since he had upped his meds and the hype had started spiraling down. One would think that it would be easy to spiral down from a hypomania. That it wouldn’t take this much time to feel okay and fine again. But it took days, weeks, sometimes months to feel normal again or at least as normal as he ever did. When the new meds had kicked in, he had felt like he had been drained all dry. He just laid in bed with his laptop, watching Seinfeld from Netflix when Isak was in school. Isak had stayed home with him for a couple of days when the slope started but when they realised that he just needed time and room to rest, he went back to school. He did text him during the day several times, just to check on him and he actually liked that. Liked that he felt loved and cared. There were days that Mikael or Elias or Yousef or Mutta would come by and they would just lay around the apartment, listen to NAS or Sigrid and talk or sometimes not even do that. His doctor had given him a long sick leave, he was not supposed to go back to work until he was really feeling better and alright. He did go to Uni though, he had taken only two courses for the spring semester so he wouldn’t get too tired, but that was also enough to keep him sane so he would not go all mental with just laying home.

  
When the semester started, he was worried. Was he still taking too much work, should he go with just one course. He kept fidgeting and sighing until Isak literally stopped him by kissing him. And telling him he would be capable of doing anything he wanted to do. As long as he remembered to take care of himself. His doctor had said it was good for him to keep busy, in reasonable ways naturally. But still he was scared. Living with this illness was hard at good times, at bad times it was hell. But he would power through this episode. He would.

**Author's Note:**

> Like the first part, this one is also my reflections on this illness, based on my own experience of being bipolar. I'm happy to asnwer any questions you may have.


End file.
